It is officially that time of year where everyone looks back on 2015 and tells you what they did, what went wrong, what went right, what they’re looking forward to, what they’re going to do differently, what new resolutions they are going to try out for about 2 weeks, and so on. After sitting here and really looking back on my year I realized that this particular method doesn’t really serve me. I could sit here and tell you about all of the shitty things that made up the first 8 months of the year and about the amazing things that made up the last 4 months but I’ve already done that (see every blog post from this year!) So instead of a month to month recap why not say fuck it and change it up a bit?!
My birthday is right around the corner and I’ve got a fair amount of earth-time under my belt at this point- along with some battle scars and stories in the shape of eight tattoos. A while back I did a 25 things learned at 25 post. This post is going to be kind of a mix of that and of a recap. I’m not limiting myself to 27 lessons from the last 26 (going on 27) years. I am literally just going for it- but the lessons I chose to write about are ones that have all hit me like a semi in the past 12 months. So, here it goes!
Writing clearly about the chaos brings clarity.
I over-think. I feel too deeply. Sometimes I’m too passionate about something. And sometimes I feel like I have no emotion at all. It’s a recipe for a full head and a confused heart most of the time. But then I start to write. No filter. I obtain lucidity and find healing when I just let myself go for it. So, write the letter you wish you could send to that one person you never got the chance to say good bye or hello or I’m sorry to. Start the sentence you don’t know how to finish. Write what you’re thinking-even if the sentences don’t make sense and the page is blurry from tears, write.
“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them” -Einstein
Adulting is hard sometimes.
There will be days you have no idea how to adult. Like- why is health insurance so confusing? What does half of the wording even mean? It’s like they took the English language and decided to combine it with Greek, Mandarin, Italian, and cave drawings. WHAT ARE ALL THESE ACRONYMS? I’m super glad I went through almost 2 decades of schooling to learn absolutely nothing about how to adult. But hey-at least I know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell because that’s going to be SUPER helpful when I’m filing my taxes as self-employed for the first time.
Seriously though, when you’re a kid, and you do something “wrong”, your parents punish you by putting you in the “naughty corner”. When you’re an adult, there is no naughty corner and the definition of wrong becomes a bit more grey mattered. You get to make decisions for yourself. You get to decide what’s wrong and you have to bear the consequences for yourself. Sometimes we just have to make mistakes and get messy.
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” -Karen Kaiser Clark
Living with your significant other will either make you stronger or tear you apart.
This was a hard one for me. Living with my ex definitely changed the game. You learn things about that other person you never wished to learn and you learn things about yourself .Some of those are things you wish you could unlearn too. For some, like myself, the relationship may end. Do me a favor-don’t solely blame yourself. If it ends know that you tried and that it was worth the experience.
Breakups are NEVER easy
I had an EXTREMELY messy break up earlier this year and it shattered me. By the end of it I was so torn to pieces, my heart had been shattered, run over, taped slightly back together, and then crumpled into a ball. It hurt to breathe, think, move, plan, dream, and hope. And after all that immense pain settled I became numb, almost catatonic. Then the emotions would hit again and the process would repeat. It was a cruel process. The first few weeks I held myself together and focused on whatever was going on at the time. First it was a trip to Israel, then a presentation for work, then finding roommates. I pushed my attention on to anything that wasn’t going to hurt so much.
Everyone kept asking me how I was handling it so well and if I had cried yet. Truth is-it took me 4 months before I finally broke down and cried. And I mean CRIED. I was moving a dresser from the old guest room so my new roommate could start moving stuff in and as I was trying to move this massive piece of furniture I just kept thinking about how alone I was now and how the last 5 years was for nothing. And the next thing I know- I’m curled up on the guest bed bawling my eyes out, cradling myself in the fetal position. I bawled for a good 20 minutes and then sat there in a state of numbness for another 2 hours. Finally I told myself to just breathe as I got up and texted my neighbor to see if she could help me move the damn dresser.
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~ Lao Tzu
It may not heal as fast as you would like, but it heals. Someone you let your guard down for and gave your heart to will treat you like shit and hurt you. It’s not right, but it does happen and heartbreak; well it breaks and it hurts and it sucks royally. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you won’t always feel THIS broken. Stay strong. Don’t let this destroy your self-confidence. As I mentioned above- I just went through this about 8 months ago now. It still hurts when I look back on everything and I still can’t call him by his name. Right now he is called douche-face (original, I know). But, I’m getting there. Whenever, someone brings him up or it up I don’t cringe as much now and my heart (or what is starting to be pieced back together of my heart) no longer drops into my stomach. Just remember that as time passes you start to heal and these people who break your heart and make you feel worthless- they aren’t worth your time. It really is their loss, and karma really is a huge bitch. You’ll laugh about it later-even if later is 5 years away.
Take the selfie. Ignore the haters.
I don’t get why people are so against selfies. What’s wrong with thinking you are undeniably worth being looked at and unquestionably worth being seen? Let’s inspire a culture where we’re encouraged to be happy with ourselves. If a girl feels pretty, fucking let her feel pretty!
Everyone is born with a clean, beautiful soul but as we grow it becomes tainted, warped, and we no longer see ourselves in this pure, beautiful way. We’ve all been through some shit and fought our own battles and we should be proud of who we are. Be proud of every freckle, wrinkle, and scar. They’re a part of your story. Don’t let other people’s ideas and views of the “normal” and “beautiful” define you because you’re so much better than that.
“We are all Warriors. Embrace your badassness”- Jennilee Toner
At no age will you ever have your shit together.
I kept wondering when people figure out life and how the heck they did it because I sure as hell can’t figure this thing out. But when we step outside of our comfort zone things seem to always be put into perspective. For me this moment happened when I was sitting on the bus on my way to my yoga teacher training. Someone was talking about how they had to quit their job to come and then we took a poll to see how many people quit their jobs, made an extreme career change, and/or had no idea where they were going/what they were doing after the training. Almost every single person in a group aged from 21 to 40/50 something had their hand raised at some point or another during the poll.
Yes- at my age- everyone seems to be moving on to that next stage in life i.e. getting married or popping out a tiny human. But, there are plenty of others still figuring out who they are, who they want to be, or what color underwear to wear today. So, stop worrying on if you are “doing it right”. You are.
Work hard, stay humble.
Keep working hard. Keep failing. Every failure has made me stronger, smarter, and more focused. So fail, fall, and falter. Then get back up and try until you’ve reached your goals. Once you get there don’t rub it into others’ faces. Instead help others achieve their goals.
The power of positivity is a real thing.
If you truly believe that something good will happen, it will. Because your good vibes are like gold, and they attract other good things.
“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations”- Colleen Saidman Yee
Some friendships aren’t forever.
And even accepting that won’t stop it from stinging when their name comes up. The reality is that forever friends are rare. So, cherish time with friends while you have them as some people are only meant to be part of a few chapters of your story. If you’re lucky enough to find those forever friends- make sure they know how much you love them. And always remember that sometimes those friends that leave come back- even if just for a short while again.
You don’t need a “Yes Man” friend
It’s great when we have friends who tell us how beautiful and talented we are, but that can’t be the only thing they bring to the table. True friends will call you on your shit, challenge you, inspire you, and won’t allow you to coast personally, professionally, or anything in between. If they just give you a thumbs up all the time, they honestly aren’t real friends.
Say NO to shitty wine.
Life is too short for that shit.
Sometimes things are as bad as they seem.
I’ve noticed that when I’m going through something rough, one of the least helpful things I commonly hear is “nothing is as bad as it seems.” Well, sometimes it is. Sometimes things are the honest to goodness pits. But that’s okay. It’s okay to be incredibly sad or frustrated or overwhelmed. Denying those feelings will accomplish nothing.
It’s OK not to be OK.
We are all human; we all have emotions, we all have our ups and downs and sometimes, life just gets to us. It’s okay to need a time out. It’s absolutely, 100% okay to surrender to your feelings and have a good old ugly face, snot dripping cry. No one will think any less of you and if they do you don’t need them in your life anyways.
“The hardness of a diamond is part of its usefulness, but its true value is in the light that shines through it. “- BKS Iyengar.
Go anywhere, go everywhere. It’s good for the soul and for the heart. Do it before life gets in the way, or do it precisely because life got in the way… not having a reason is reason enough to travel. Travelling is one thing you can literally spend money on and become richer in life experiences.
Someday, you’ll be glad you were poor.
We all wish we had more money so we could buy more stuff. Or that we had enough money to pay our obnoxiously overpriced rent bills or car payments. But someday you’ll look back at these 20-somethings days where you lived week by week off of the money you made babysitting and realize that these moments were some of your happiest ones. These were the moments where you truly developed your goals and finally found a path that suits you and your interests. It may seem unconventional and many people will look at you like you’re crazy. Truth is- you probably are- but it’s ok, because all the best people are! (I can say this because I’m one of em) But none of that will matter because in that time you were doing you, living in the moment, and building a sense of gratitude. I can’t wait for it to be someday…
Songs describe exactly where we are throughout the stages of life.
Learn yours, embrace it, shout the lyrics- even if you mess them up or sound like a bad night at karaoke, and have a dance party. Everything is better when you have a dance party. For me, right now, it’s “Live young, die free” by Fletcher.
Embrace the situation you’re in.
Embrace the good and the bad. It’s okay to feel scared and understandable to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. In the midst of tribulation, negativity and depression can be alluring. Gratitude is a potent tool for snapping yourself out of fear and self-pity. In the moment, it’s empowering to realize that you can handle a challenge. This is a chance to morph, evolve, and adapt. It can be difficult and painful at first, but it means you’re on the path of growth.
“Resist the urge to fidget. Be with yourself as you are without having to change anything.” – Julie Mellk
Life is fragile, sudden, and shorter than it often seems.
There may not be a tomorrow – not for everyone. Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today. This is sad but true. So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it. Every moment you get is a gift. Don’t waste time by dwelling on unhappy things. Spend it on things that move you in the direction you want to go.
Your future is spotless.
Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless. Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. One of the very best ways to get beyond past troubles is to concentrate all of your attention and effort on doing something that your future self will thank you for.
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. “-Rumi
The right people come into your life at the right times; the wrong people come into your life at the right times.
I know, I know- this doesn’t make any sense at first glance. But it’s so true! The wrong people will always come into your life when you need to learn or grow. We may not like it- but they came in for a reason. The right people will always find a way to you when you truly need them- and half the time we don’t know who those people are until it becomes blatantly obvious to us why they were there in the first place.
“Be patient. Everything comes to you in the right moment.” – Buddha
Be grateful for every moment
Be grateful for every smile, every tear, every fight, every kiss. Be grateful for every dance party, every late night and early morning, and especially for every puppy cuddle and kiss. Be grateful for everything because each moment- no matter how hard or trying; no matter how simple or silly; each moment made you the incredibly beautiful, crazy, complex person that you are. If you need help remembering this- start a gratitude journal. I challenge you to write 5 things you are grateful for every day for a month. I promise you’ll start to see a change in your attitude and in your life.
Imitate the traits of those you admire and respect.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery- but it’s also a way for you to develop the skills and traits you may feel or think need to be worked on. It goes along the lines of the whole fake it til you make it ideology. I’ve had three teachers in the span of 2 months tell me this. If you want to be more confident- think of someone who exudes confidence and delve into why you feel they portray this so well. Then turn around and put it to action! Every time I go on an interview I imitate my best friend because she is the most confident person I have ever known- and most of the time I get a 2nd interview or an offer! Every time I teach a yoga class I imitate 2 women that I respect and admire because they portray the confidence, gracefulness, intellect, calmness, and positivity I want to be able to embody and provide to my students.
Get a dog.
Tell them every secret, every fear, every wish, and every goal. They will be the only being in your life that will never judge you and the only one to undeniably love you (and the cheese you have in the fridge).
Don’t ever settle.
At some point we all reason with our instincts and rationalize desires. Stop it! Stop fighting against the chaos inside your bloodstream that tells you to always seek more. Use this to be more than was ever expected of you for you. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. I stayed in a job that made me miserable for almost 4 years because I started to settle. I knew exactly what I wanted and what type of person I was-but I pushed it all aside because the job I had was safe. When I finally realized how miserable I was making myself I had to take a good long look in the mirror and tell myself to snap the fuck out of it. I had to dig down fairly deep to find myself again and I realized that I was in a place where I could turn life around and stop settling. So- I did.
“Her messy hair is a visible attribute of her stubborn spirit. As she shakes it free, she smiles knowing wild is her favorite color”- J. Iron Word.
Love is not a one dimensional glass slipper.
As children we’re hypnotized into thinking of love and how to love in such a specific way. But for some of us we love in wild, untamed ways. We do not want the dependency that comes with traditional love or the fairy-tale story that everyone else seems to want. This does not mean you’re incapable of love. You do not have to tone yourself down to a smaller, frailer, more helpless version of yourself in order to love or be loved. Love wild. Love freely. Love untamed.
As humans this should be such a natural thing- but for some reason we constantly forget this. We’re always on the go and never take a moment to catch our breath. I work 2 jobs, teach yoga (for free right now), and am in the process of looking for a 3rd job. My days are crazy and sometimes I think I’m losing my mind. The only thing that keeps me grounded is my yoga practice. I start every morning off with meditation, pranayama, and an asana practice. Sometimes I want an intense, nonstop flow for 15 minutes and other times I want a slow juicy flow to the music practice and sometimes I just do the first two and then go to a class because I just don’t want to have to think that day. Either way the one thing all of these methods have in common is the fact that I take the time to breathe. If you can’t do, don’t do, or don’t want to do any of these then just remember to take 5 minutes to yourself in your day and take several deep breaths.
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens”- Mandy Hale
You Are Enough.
Fun story here. When I was at my yoga teacher training we did a Yoga Nidra meditation. During this meditation we were lead to a chest that held a piece of paper with a message on it for us. I kept my message a secret- only telling one person what I got. Two days after I returned home I received an anonymous gift in the mail. It was a bracelet with the saying- You Are Enough. It took me several days to find out who sent me this bracelet. It was a friend in South Dakota. She said that the same day I did the Yoga Nidra meditation she had a strong urge to buy me this particular bracelet. Until today-only one other person knew what was in my chest. Today- I tell whoever is reading this. My message was: You Are Enough.
I have not taken the bracelet off since I got it as a reminder to myself. The day I take it off will be the day I, 100%, without question or wavering thought, can say that I know I am enough. Even if you can’t fully believe it-start telling yourself that you are enough…because you are.
Life has a funny way of slamming us with lessons and providing the right teachers when we need them. We just have to learn to trust and let go.
“Trust the process”- Jennifer Yarro
With genuine love and gratitude,